Through the Looking Glass
by Phoenixasending
Summary: The Exile falls down the rabbit hole and finds a strange new world with even stranger people.


A/N: My submission for Vaguely Familiar's humor challenge. The adventures of the Exile when she gets trapped in Wonderland with various fun people from the KOTOR universe playing the parts of wonderland creatures. Many thanks to my beta reader Heza-Chan aka Daughter of Malcov. This story can also be found on my LJ account because was being cranky.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kotor, I do not own Wonderland, but I do make shameless use of them both. Enjoy

* * *

**Through The Looking Glass**

The Exile, Solari Roan, stood in front of the massive pillars that marked the entrance to the hidden tomb of Korriban and stared into the forbidding darkness with a deep sense of something being very wrong. Specifically that she was going to have to be the one to go in there.

_You must go, _Kreia's gravelly voice whispered in her head like dry popcorn. _And you must go alone._

_Oh hell, _Solari swore as she ran a hand through her close cropped red-gold curls, not particularly caring if Kreia picked up on her thoughts. _That old woman is going to be the death of me, I swear it. I'm just glad she's on our side._

"Tell me we're not going in there, boss," Atton's voice spoke up from behind her as he stared dubiously into the swirling fog.

"This place has great power coming from it," Visas murmured from her left, her voice as practical and serene as always.

"Yeah, a great powerful stench," Atton said exasperated. "But seriously, the Lady's right. I really don't want to go in there, I've gotten used to living. It's the breathing you know, it grows on you."

_Well, _Solari thought to herself as she rubbed her eyes tiredly, _At least if I do die in here I won't have to put up with his so called wit anymore. _

_You liked it well enough when the two of you were all cozy in the cockpit playing pazaak with a bottle of his Juma Juice, _whispered another treacherous part of her mind before she ruthlessly stomped on it and set it on fire.

"Well guys," she said dryly, "I have some bad news –neither of you are going in that cave."

"Great, " Atton started to cheer before the full impact of what she said hit him. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Wait a minute why is that bad news?"

"Because I am."

"WHAT!" Came the disbelieving shout from her two cohorts.

"Please, I must come with you," Visas begged. "That cave is full of dark energy; you will need someone to help you."

"Yeah," Atton agreed. "You can't go in there alone, it's suicide."

"I'll be fine," Solari protested. "You guys go back to the _Hawk_ and tell them what's been going on and I'll meet you back there."

"I must advise against this," Visas spoke calmly as if discussing something no more important than the time of day. "There are many hissis and shyrack still around, as well as Darth Sion in the academy."

"We locked the academy doors before we escaped," Solari protested.

"Locked doors don't stop you," Atton countered. Solari had to admit that he did have a point on this.

"Alright," she said after thinking for a moment. "You guys don't have to wait here for me but if you're determined to then I won't stop you."

Neither Visas nor Atton said anything as each found chairs on individual boulders and made themselves comfortable, obviously settling in to wait as long as they had to. Their show of loyalty warmed Solari in parts of her soul she had not known had reawakened. Silently she swore to herself that somehow in the course of this trip she would make herself worthy of the friendship they so selflessly gave her. With on last look at them, Atton pulling out his pazaak deck and Visas settling into a meditative trance, Solari turned and walked into the tomb.

"So how long do you think she'll be in there?" Atton asked Visas as he shuffled his deck, from Visas there was no answer. Atton tried again.

"How can you do that meditation thing so much? It looks like your about to fall asleep." Again Visas ignored him and Atton gave up, returning his attention to his cards. Just inside the cave a rumbling started, Visas opened her eyes.

"I don't like the sound of that," she whispered. A louder rumbling shook the ground as a tremor knocked loose bits of the ceiling that fell heavily to the floor.

"I like the sound of that even less," Atton said as he shoved his cards back into his jacket and took off after Solari, Visas hot on his heels.

* * *

Solari awoke with a groan, the back of her head throbbing painfully from the rock that had bounced off it. _Nice of Kreia to warn me about possible cave-ins, _she groused; more irritated at herself for not anticipating the disaster than she was at the old woman for not warning her of it. _Where am I?_

She opened her eyes to find herself in a circular room dimly lit by a light that came from high up in the distance above her head. The room was bare of all furniture except for a small three legged table in the center of the room and a door on the wall opposite her that was no higher then her thighs.

_What the..., _she asked herself confused. _Did I fall down some sort of hole?_

Standing up carefully Solari walked a slow circle around the room, her hand trailing over walls that felt so smooth for a moment she considered that they were made of durasteel and instead of a naturally occurring phenomenon of the cave. Squinting in the poor lighting, the young woman could see that however she had gotten into this room in the first place the only way back out would be through the shrunken door. Crouching down in front of it, Solari tried turning the archaic doorknob.

"YEOW!" A voice hollered in a voice all too familiar since Solari had faced it's owner not two hours ago.

"Sion." She hissed, spinning rapidly around into a fighting crouch her eyes sweeping the darkness for her nemesis. The room was empty of everything but the table.

"Where are you Sion?" She murmured to herself as her eyes scanned the shadowed walls.

"Down here," said Sion's voice and Solari noticed for the first time that it had an odd slightly nasal quality to it that had been absent when she faced him in the academy. "And you didn't have to twist my nose around, either."

Slowly, Solari turned around following the sound of the voice and once again crouched in front of the wooden door.

"Well," growled the doorknob. "What are you looking at?"

"I –I –I..." Solari tried to speak, not certain what she would say. Especially to a talking doorknob that bore a striking resemblance to a sith lord. Even the flaking bits of metal and rust around the key hole and knob were lined up so as to look like the cracked and broken skin of Darth Sion.

"Are you just going to stand there with your mouth hanging open or are you going to go through? I haven't got all day," the Sion/doorknob asked petulantly.

"H –how do I get out?" She finally managed as her brain adjusted to the fact that for the moment, the Sith Lord was now, inexplicably, a doorknob.

The doorknob rolled its eyes exasperated, "'How do I get out?'" He mocked her in a high falsetto. "How do you think you get out idiot? Through the door."

_I can't believe I just got insulted by a doorknob. What next? Is the table going to kick me in the ass? _Solari closed her eyes and counted to twenty before opening them to find herself still facing an irritated brass doorknob/Dark lord.

"How can I...is there another door I can...talk too?" She asked awkwardly, not wanting to tell him he was too small.

"So what I'm not good enough?" The doorknob groused. "Well you had better stay on my good side because I'm the only door here."

_Oh bantha shit, _Solari swore quietly. "It's not that you're not good enough," she said placatingly, "it's just that I don't think I'm small enough to get past you."

The face on the doorknob screwed up as if it were about to make another nasty remark and then suddenly relaxed into an easy grin. It was a grin Solari had seen before on Sion's face right before Kreia went to face him on Peragus and she was instantly suspicious.

"Look on the table," he told her with sudden helpfulness.

After pausing a moment to consider her options, Solari rose and went to investigate the possibly hostile table. Resting on top was a small vial of purple liquid with a small card attached to the neck that she would swear had not been there earlier. Turning over the card the young woman read the words DRINK ME, printed in neat, easy to read capital letters.

_I smell a whomp rat, _she thought to herself and slid her hand into her belt pouch to check on the packs of all purpose antidote medpacs she had. Three had been used in the cave leaving her with four if the drink turned out to be poisonous. _But I should still at least try and find out what this does first, _she told herself.

"So what does this do exactly?"

"It will let you get through this door," said the doorknob.

Solari's eyes narrowed, she knew he wasn't telling her everything but on the other hand this was the only way out and she did have antidote pacs. _Oh well, bottoms up, _she thought as she held the vial to her lips and drank.

For a moment nothing happened and Solari moved to put the bottle back onto the table when she heard a _shloop_ of inrushing air and suddenly her eyes were level with the rim of the table.

"What the...," she started to ask but was interrupted by another _shloop _and a jolt and suddenly the edge of the table was several inches above her head. "I'm shrinking!" She yelped.

"You're a quick one aren't you?" The Sion/Doorknob laughed at her as Solari grumbled.

"You planned this didn't you?" She asked him acidly.

"Well duh," he sneered at her. "You deserve it for twisting my nose!"

"That was an accident!"

"Well my nose still hurts." Solari had to admit that he had a good point.

"Well at least I can fit through the door now."

"Yes you can," he told her with a trace of smugness in his voice that made Solari's eyes narrow suspiciously.

"So how do I unlock the door?"

"With the key," he told her smothering another snicker. Solari didn't remember him being this funny in the academy.

"Where is the key?"

"On the table." He told her with something approaching cheerfulness in his voice. Solari turned around to see the key glinting off the edge of the table that was now four feet over her head and out of her reach.

Uproarious laughter came from behind her as the doorknob convulsed with mirth as only a doorknob can convulse. She turned and stalked toward him, her menace slightly ruined by the fact that she was shrinking an inch for every step she took; by the time she was in front of the door again she was only two inches tall.

_Oh hell, _she swore to herself sulkily and jammed her fists into the belt pouches at her sides in frustration. Her left hand hit something in the pouch and she wrapped her hand around it pulling out a small grappling hook on the end of a thin rope. Solari felt a smile stretch over her face.

"What, what are you smiling at?" Sion asked a note of worry creeping into his voice.

"I think I've found a way to get past you." She told him happily just as she tossed the grappling hook up into his mouth.

"Fwat da...," he asked trying to speak around the hook. Solari gave the rope a test yank getting a howl from the doorknob. "hat hut!"

_I think he mean 'that hurt', _She translated silently as she started climbing to the chorus of ouches from the door.

She squeezed herself easily through the keyhole despite the doorknob's/Sion's attempts to bite her on the way out. "You have a big mouth and no way to close it," she taunted as she snaked through and landed on the other side of the door. "Better luck next time."

She turned away from the door in high spirits, despite the fact that she was still only two inches tall, expecting to see another passage through the cave and felt her jaw drop for the second time as she saw a wide stretch of forest in front of her.

"What the hell is going on here?" She whispered hoarsely. Off in the distance she heard a loud thumping and the earth shook beneath her feet. Stumbling into a blade of grass she grabbed hold of the base and clung as the source of the tremors grew nearer; a great rabbit hopped into view and paused to examine an enormous pocket watch.

"Oh dear," said a gravelly voice that sounded remarkably familiar to Solari's ears. "I'm late."

"Kreia!" Solari asked incredulously craning her neck up to stare up into a gigantic version of what looked like the old woman in a white bunny suit. _What the...where _am _I?_

The Kreia/rabbit suddenly took off through the trees muttering constantly about being late and knocking Solari down in her flight.

"Kreia, wait," She hollered after the rabbit's retreating back. "Where are we? What's going on here?"

The white rabbit that was possibly also Kreia ignored her on its headlong hop into the forest. Solari picked herself up off the ground and ran after it, her tiny legs unable to keep up with the giant rabbit even with force speed.

_Damn it! _She swore bitterly as the rabbit, with one more enormous leap, dashed out of her sight over a hill leaving the young woman alone in the forest.

The force speed wore off gradually leaving Solari's legs feeling heavy and forcing her to slow to a walking pace as she finally crested the hill where she had last seen Kreia. The valley below was covered in vivid colors of flowers for as far as her eye could see and completely devoid of giant rabbits. With a heartfelt sigh, Solari let her legs fold under her and sat down hard in the dirt, resting her aching head in her hands.

"Query: What are you doing in the dirt strange master?"

"HK," Solari yelled joyously and jumped up to face the droid. "Thank the Force you're here! You won't believe what's been going on..."

Her voice trailed off as she took in the sight of not just HK standing before her but T3 as well both of them dressed up in baggy brown trousers and red striped collared shirts. "HK...what...why...YOU'RE WEARING POLO!"

T3 beeped mournfully, as she stared at them. It wasn't just that both droids were wearing striped polo shirts and matching hats, although that was unnerving in and of it self. It was more that while HK was dressed so outlandishly he still carried the Mandalorian blaster rifle he had so favored in their trek across the galaxy.

"Confused statement: I'm afraid you have me mistaken for some other unit, master. I am Tweedle Dee," The HK unit now know as Tweedledee thumped the droid that looked like T3 on the top of its cylindrical head with a resounding bang. "And this unit is my companion Tweedledum."

"Dwooooo," said Tweedledum.

"I don't think I'm on Korriban anymore," Solari spoke softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Query: Would you like to play a game?" Asked a red chromed Tweedledee.

"What kind of game?" Solari asked warily.

"Statement: Shoot the meatbags."

"I ...think I'll pass," She told him as she slowly edged sideways ready to make a break for it at a moments notice.

"Deet dwooo beep."

"Translation: My compatriot suggests that you might like to witness a song and dance."

Solari's jaw dropped like a sack of potatoes as she tried to envision HK and T3 dancing and immediately shut as her mind rebelled. "I don't think that will be necessary. Have you seen an old woman in a white rabbit suit run by here?"

"Confused Answer: I have not seen an old woman in a rabbit suit run by but I have seen a white rabbit with a pocket watch. "

"Great," Solari cried, finally glad to have a place to start looking. "Which way did she go?"

"Answer: Why over that field, master."

"Thank you," Solari said giving him a small hug before turning to race across the field after rabbit Kreia. A small, cylindrical T3 unit blocked her path.

"Dreeeeet Dat dooot," T3-Tweedledum piped from beneath his hat and started turning circles in front of her.

"Translation: My companion insists that we show you our dance," with that HK-Tweedledee bent metallic limbs and started moving stiltedly around.

"Proud Declaration: I call this "The Robot"."

Solari stared open mouthed as the droids continued to gyrate erratically before turning and racing away into the forest.

* * *

Eventually she managed to circle back and find herself in the field of flowers though it was difficult to tell where she was at first since all she could see of anything were the green stems. Swarms of butterflies in every color imaginable circled overhead like a flock of giant birds in a chaotic cloud. _I really really need to find a way to not be two inches tall. In the last hour I think I only traveled thirty feet! _The sound of quiet singing broke through her thoughts and she found herself following it in the hope that it would lead her to someone who could help. 

Following the music through the overgrown blades of grass Solari came to a small 'clearing' were a dense cluster of mushrooms grew, some small enough to use as a stool and others that towered above her head like mighty thrones. On one of the tallest sat a fat caterpillar, his lower half curled contentedly into a ball while he his upper half gripped a long pipe that it puffed on leisurely. Like every other creature she had met in this strange place, the caterpillar wore a familiar face.

_Huh, I didn't know Master Vrook smoked. _Solari looked up at the Caterpillar wearing Vrook's face and hollered a tentative hello. The Caterpillar withdrew its pipe and blew a thin stream of smoke in her face making her to cough violently. She briefly contemplated force choking him despite her light side alliance and then disregarded the idea. If she killed him then she wouldn't have any one to ask for directions.

"To whom," the Caterpillar said stressing the 'm' on the last word, "am I speaking?"

"My name is Solari, Master caterpillar," She told him as her lungs cleared. "And I was hoping you could help me."

"That depends," The caterpillar said blandly as he took another drag.

"On what?" Solari asked perplexed.

"Recite!" He snapped abruptly, laying aside his bong pipe. Solari, conditioned by years of training on Dantooine from the time she was a small girl instantly launched into the Jedi code.

"There is no passion; there is only peace..." She began only to be cut off by Caterpillar/Vrook.

"No, no, no!" He protested angrily. "Like this...How doth the little crocodile reveal his shining claws and beckon little fishies in with gently smiling jaws...," Solari found herself in a state of shock, what world was this that anything wearing Master Vrook's face and voice would ever recite poetry of any kind.

"Uh...Oo –Kay," she managed to get out.

"Now repeat," the Vrook-terpillar demanded.

"Repeat what?"

"The poem," the Vrook -terpillar yelled.

"Yes about that," Solari began. "I was just wondering if you could give me some directions and then I'll just be on my way. I'm not really much of a poetry person."

"Insolent," roared the Caterpillar and Solari found herself thinking very unkind thoughts.

_Damn it! Even in a spice addicts fantasy world I can't do anything right for this guy. _The caterpillar swept up the pipe in its tiny clawed hands and started puffing away madly until a thick column of green and purple smoke surrounded him, screening him from Solari's vision. And _he's going to get emphysema if he keeps smoking like that._

Abruptly as he had started the smoke cloud broke apart and what used to be the caterpillar sprung out as a magnificent butterfly and flapped skyward, the force of its wing beats knocking Solari off the mushroom stool she was standing on.

_Well that was a big waste of time, _Solari told herself as she stood and dusted herself off. Above her the once caterpillar –now butterfly –possibly Master Vrook on a spice high, called down in a fading voice.

"One side will make you grow larger and the other side will make you grow smaller."

"What?" She shouted back.

"One side will make you grow larger and the other side will make you grow smaller."

"One side of what?" she asked confused. Suddenly the spiced out butterfly master was inches in front of her face and bright red.

"OF THE MUSHROOM YOU IDIOT!" He yelled as Solari took a sudden step back and batted the air between their faces.

"Ugh that reeks, what have you been smoking, master?" The butterfly growled and flew off without another word leaving Solari alone in the mushroom cluster.

_Hmm...I wonder which mushroom he meant. Maybe the one he was sitting on? _She mused. _Only one way to find out._

Calling on the force to improve her jump, Solari leaped up onto the top of the mushroom where the caterpillar had been sitting and examined it closely. _Let's see... How do I know what side he was talking about when the mushrooms a circle? Oh well, I'll just pick sides randomly and hope for the best. It's not as if I have any choice._

She picked the edges of the mushroom that had been to either side of the Vrook -terpillar when he had been facing her and cut a slice from each one with her vibrodagger. Calling up the image of the antidote packs in her belt pouch as a sort of talisman she took a bite of the piece of mushroom in her right hand.

And shot up fifty feet.

"Wow," she said after clearing the branches and birds' nests from her mouth. "I guess I picked the right sides." Distantly she became aware of something poking at her nose and she crossed her eyes to get a better look. A bird was frantically pecking her, trying to get at the birds nest that had lodged in her left nostril. Carefully, she removed the nest which was fortunately not too deep in and replaced it in a nearby tree. Momma bird stopped pecking her nose, much to Solari's relief, and went to coo over her nestlings.

"Now for the left side," she murmured softly and held the tiny, almost microscopic piece of mushroom to her lips, taking the barest shaving off with her teeth.

And suddenly she was four inches tall with yet another throbbing headache from where a branch had clobbered her on the way down. "Well that was interesting," she commented as she gently massaged her aching head. "I need to find a helmet somewhere."

_So the mushroom from the left side makes me grow smaller, _she mused as she slipped the offending piece into the left side of her belt pouch. _And the right side piece makes me grow bigger, but I don't want to be fifty feet tall so ... _Solari eyed the mushroom piece still in her hand, considering her options carefully, raising the piece to her lips and took a careful, delicate lick.

The world rushed past her in a blur and stopped with a stomach lurching halt that caused Solari to throw out her hands in a wind milling motion in order to regain her balance. A quick check, once she was sure she was not about to fall over, told her that she had put on an extra five feet bringing her back to her original height plus a few inches extra.

She turned in a slow circle, getting stock of her surroundings and realized that what she had taken for a vast field of flowers when she was two inches tall was actually only a small clearing in the forest. _So I'm back to my normal height, or close enough to it anyway, but I still don't know where Kreia went. I guess I'll just keep walking and hope to come across someone who can give me _coherent_ directions._

After raking her fingers through her hair to dislodge the assortment of twigs and bracken, Solari headed off into the forest.

* * *

_Hours! _Solari told herself disgusted. _I've been walking through this thrice damned forest for four bloody hours and I haven't seen a sign of anyone. Where the hell are the bloody weirdos when I need them?_

"Need help?" A disembodied voice purred from the darkness of the trees around her.

_Oh great, _her inner monologue piped in. _Now I'm hearing voices. That's one of the major signs you're going off the deep end, Solari girl._

_And referring to yourself in third person, _piped in another inner voice. _Don't forget that._

_I was not referring to myself in third person, _she told herself. _I was merely warning myself to beware of insanity._

_So talking to yourself is better?_

At that point Solari ruthlessly shut herself up, ending the conversation. _That'll learn me to talk back._

"Are you lost?" The voice spoke again, seeming to come from everywhere and no where both at the same time. "You seem a little confused."

"I am lost but I'm not confused...not much anyway," she amended.

"Then why didn't you answer me when I first spoke?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I was just talking to mys..." Solari cut herself off as she realized what she had been about to say. _I need this person's help. I really can't afford to have him think I'm crazy._

"Oh don't worry about that," the voice purred again as if reading her mind. "We're all mad here."

_Great, just what I need a world of lunatics on a bender. _ "It might help if I could see you," Solari suggested tentatively when her attempts at using the force to locate her secretive friend brought up no results.

"As you wish," a disembodied grin suddenly appeared in front of her causing her to jump back with a startled yell and a reflexive grab for her lightsaber. The grin laughed and floated backwards several feet.

Solari took three deep calming breaths before she could speak again, "I'd like to see a little more if you please."

The rest of her would be helper faded into being and Solari gasped...it was Atton, Atton dressed in cat's ears and a tail and nothing else. Solari hastily averted her gaze.

"Well you said you wanted to see more of me," grinned the Cheshire Cat.

"Umm…Yes I did," Her treacherous hand slipped away giving her another peak of him. "But I think it would help a lot more if you had some clothes.

The Cat/Atton pouted. "Awww, no fun, but if you insist…," black tank top that hugged him tightly outlining every well toned muscle in his torso appeared around his body as well as tight black leather pants. More black mist coalesced around his arms and materialized into elbow length black fingerless gloves. For a split second after he finished 'dressing' Solari saw images of a naked Atton wearing cat ears flashing behind her eyes just as if a bright light had gone off in front of her and left after images.

"So," he purred with a grin that looked like it was about to cut his face in half. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Solari blushed at sultry harmonics in his tone, the Atton she had known had been incorrigible but never like this. "I was looking for an old woman in a white rabbit suit, have you seen her?"

"I might have," the cat grinned as he walked a slow circle around her, reminding Solari uncomfortably of a maalraas stalking its prey. "What will you give me if I tell you?"

"My undying gratitude?" She hazarded.

The Cat cocked his head, black ears twitching slightly as he considered her offer, "Nope. Not good enough." With a chuckle he turned and skipped off into the trees.

"Wait," Solari yelled after his retreating back as she raced to keep up. "Please, I need…," her voice trailed off as he disappeared in front of her. _Oh bloody hell._

Alone in the forest now she thought she saw hundreds of pairs of eyes staring at her through the undergrowth. _I'm lost in a strange world that I have no idea how I got into and everyone I know has turned into something strange and I just want to go home!"_

Her last words came out as a sort of mental wail and she fell to her knees, her head buried in her hands as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Are you crying?" The voice of the cat came once again out of the darkness and Solari hastily wiped her eyes.

"No," She lied quickly and was rewarded by the cats charming grin floating out at her.

"You look like you're crying," the grin pointed out reasonably.

"How can you tell? You don't have eyes," she snapped angrily and then stifled a small scream as two bobbing eyes appeared over the grin.

"Your cheeks are puffy and your eyes are red. You've been crying."

"I have not," She insisted stubbornly. "Jedi don't cry. I've just been…considering my options."

"Ahh," said the cat in the tone of one who knows you are feeding them a load of crap and is only pretending to buy it for the moment because it is convenient to do so. "So what are your options?"

"Uh… stay here or keep walking." _Oh gods this is pathetic, I'm a fully grown Jedi who's crying her eyes out in front of an Atton look alike who is apparently part cat. _She remembered the way the Atton look alike had shown up at first with no clothes and felt an inner smile starting. _Not there aren't compensations, I never imagined he looked like _that_, meow…._

"So what will you do?" The cat asked interrupting her thoughts to Solari's minor annoyance.

"Well I was hoping maybe I could get your help."

"We've been over this," he chided his grin turning, if possible, even more mischievous. "What do I get in return?"

"What do you want?" Solari asked warily. She did a quick mental inventory of her possessions and came to the conclusion that there was nothing that she could give away.

"I want a kiss," the cat said as his whole body formed around his eyes and his wide smile. Solari was surprised to find herself more than a little disappointed that he remembered his clothes this time.

"Do we have a deal," he asked her leaning close and Solari, about to protest, felt her heartbeat pick up.

"Uh…ok," she agreed hesitantly.

"Good," he said and puckered his lips. _Impishness must be catching, _Solari thought to herself as she leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on his left cheek.

"Hey," the Cat protested loudly. "That's cheating!"

"It isn't," Solari told him with a small smile. "You never said where I had to kiss you."

The Cheshire Cat opened his mouth then shut it thoughtfully. A slow grin crept over his face that was nothing like the one he had worn so far, more like Atton's rakish grin than the mischievous one she was seeing so much of now.

"You're right," he told her amiably. "How very clever and now I must keep up my end."

Laying both hands on her shoulders, the Cat turned her around four times and stopped her suddenly so that she was now facing a different section of the forest. "Your rabbit went that way."

"Can't you tell me anything else?" She asked plaintively staring into the forbidding darkness.

"That's all you get for a kiss like that sweetheart," the cat said and as she rounded on him intent on forcing more information he disappeared completely.

* * *

_This isn't actually so bad, _Solari thought to herself as she pushed on through the forest. _I've been in worse places and so far nothing seems truly dangerous. As long as I'm careful I should be fine._

A while ago her eyes had picked out a slender path in the gloom going in the same direction the Cat had pointed her in and now she followed it religiously, careful not to stray from it's lines lest she get lost. _There's a metaphor in this somewhere, _she told herself as she picked up her pace, _and as soon as I get back to the hawk I'll examine it fully...right after I raid Atton's supply of Juma Juice._

The path took her out of the forest and led her to a small cottage surrounded by a white picket fence. "Hello," Solari called out.

No answer came but Solari thought she could make out the dim sounds of party music coming from behind the house. _Maybe they just can't hear me, _she reasoned. _I'll just go in and see if I can get some directions. _

As she approached the back of the house the music got decidedly louder, indistinct voices could be heard and while they sounded vaguely familiar she could not, quite, place them.

"The jam! The jam! Quickly get the jam!" Someone yelled frantically as Solari rounded the corner.

"Oh Force..." she whispered hoarsely, "I think I'm going insane."

Mira was there, recognizable in her usual green halter top and skimpy shorts but added to the ensemble was a green top hat and a long sleeved coat with tails. Next to her was Visas in her red hooded robe with large round mouse ears attached and being held down by what looked like the robed and masked form of Darth Nihilous only the last time Solari had checked Darth Nihilious was not in the habit of wearing rabbit ears. She was so caught up with staring at Darth Nihilous that she almost missed the Mira look alike smear a streak of raspberry jam over Visas' nose.

_Yep, _she thought to herself, _I'm going nuts. I can feel sanity slipping through my fingers as we speak._

She took a step forward and heard a twig snap under her foot, three heads lifted from what they were doing to stare at her.

"I"m sorry I don't mean to disturb you," Solari offered by way of apology. "I called at the gate but no one answered, I was just looking for some help."

"Oh no trouble," The Mira clone told her brightly. "We were just celebrating our unbirthdays."

"Unbirthday?" Solari asked as she felt the last of her tethers to sanity slowly slipping away. "What is that?"

"You know how every three hundred and sixty five days you have a birthday?"

"Yes..." Solari answered carefully.

"Well every three hundred and sixty four days you have an unbirthday."

Solari gave up, releasing sanity to the four winds and embracing the chaotic comfort of madness. "Hey, any excuse to get more presents right?"

"That was our thought," the Darth Nihilous with rabbit ears said.

"So...who are you guys?"

"I'm the Mad Hatter and this, " Mira introduced herself and pointed to Darth Nihilous, "is the March Hare. The one in red is the Dormouse."

"I...see. So whose unbirthday is it?"

"Mine," said The Mad Hatter.

"And mine," added The March Hare.

"And mine," piped up the Dormouse before the March Hare shoved her in a teapot. A sight that made Solari's head swim.

"When is your unbirthday?" The Hatter asked as she poured another cup of tea.

"Uh...today," Solari said as she raised the cup of tea hesitantly to her lips.

"Today?" The March hare screamed, flinging his arms wide and consequently sending Solari's drink tumbling into her lap. "Then we must celebrate! SWITCH!"

All three of Solari's new friends leaped out of their seats, dragging the bewildered Jedi with them as they danced around the table singing about merry unbirthdays. After dancing around the table three times Solari was released to find another seat with a steaming mug of tea in front of it. Tentatively she reached out for the cup and put it to her lips, drinking quickly and pretending it was vodka.

"So what brings you here?" The Hatter asked when everyone had found new seats and settled in.

"Well I'm looking for this old woman dressed as a white rabbit and the cat..."

"CAT!" Screamed Visas as the dormouse and jumped on the table where she started running around in circles screaming the word 'cat' over and over as dishes and cups were knocked to the floor and shattered.

"Grab her," Yelled The Mad Hatter over Darth Nihi –_The March Hare's, _Solari corrected herself –cry of "Grab the Jam!"

Solari stood up quickly enough to turn her chair over and used a force jump to flying tackle the Dormouse as she ran past her on the table. As she held the hysterical woman down she saw The March Hare stick his finger into a bottle of jam and smear some in a streak over the nose of the panicking Dormouse.

"What was that about?" Solari demanded after making sure that the Dormouse was calm again.

"Are you insane?" The March Hare demanded. "Never use the 'C' word with a mouse."

Solari felt her cheeks burn and felt disgusted with herself for it. Was it really her fault for not realizing that a woman with mouse ears would react like a mouse?

"I'm so...," She stared to apologize before being interrupted by the Mad Hatters bellow.

"SWITCH!"

And the same dance Solari went through earlier happened again until she found herself seated at the head of the table. "What is that about?"

"Time for riddles," The Mad Hatter cried out, ignoring Solari's question as Solari fumed quietly. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"I don't know," Solari answered, biting out each word. "Why _is_ a raven like a writing desk?"

Sudden silence loomed over the table as three eyes stared at Solari with identical expressions of horror. "What?"

"She's mad!" Squeaked the Dormouse.

"Run!" Screamed the Mad Hatter.

"Oh for Force's sake," Solari cried out exasperated and threw out a stasis field that caught all three in mid scrabble. "Finally, some fracking peace."

Readjusting her robes Solari seated herself more comfortably and took in a leisurely cup of tea.

"Oh dear, I'm late, so late," Solari's jerked around at the sound of that familiar voice just in time to catch a flash of white go past the fence. Pausing only long enough to stash a few cookies in her belt pouch and to debate whether or not to release her hosts, Solari took off after the rabbit.

_After all, _she reasoned as she ran into the woods in hot pursuit. _It's not like the stasis field won't wear off.

* * *

_

_My first mistake was letting that damn old woman lead me off the path, _Solari told herself bitterly as she found herself standing in the middle of a dark clearing deep in the woods. _My second was in not keeping track of how to get back to the path once I left. No scratch that...my very first mistake was in assuming that I should follow Kreia when she was dressed up as something cute and fluffy. That's just wrong on principle._

Finding a small stump, Solari sat down and sighed. _Now how do I get out of this?_

"Coooo," said a small voice by her foot. Looking down she saw something that resembled a miniature gizka with a tuft of fur on its head.

"Hello little guy," she told it as she reached a hand down to pet it gently. It cooed happily at her. "Are you lost too?"

"Cooooo."

She sighed heavily and lifted her hand to watch the little creature run back to it's family. "I just wish I could find a way out of here."

"Cooooo," Said a lot of tiny little voices as the creatures family all moved as one to form a pointing arrow. Solari turned her head to follow the direction it was pointing and saw the path she had missed earlier in the gloom.

"Thanks guys," She said grinning and dug one of the cookies she had swiped out of her pouch, leaving it in front of them by way payment before leaving.

"If I get back, no one had better ever hurt a gizka in front of me."

After half an hour Solari stopped running and bent over panting for air. _Almost, _she told herself. _I'm almost out of here, I can see the light through the trees ahead. _The light she was referring to moved closer and she could see it was bobbing slightly as if it was tethered to the end of a pole. _Maybe it's a guide, _she thought, still trying to hold on to hope.

The source of the bobbing light came into view then and Solari saw that it was attached to the head of a creature who's head was swaying back and forth as long thick whiskers attached to its face swept away the path in front of her.

_Oh FRACK! _Solari swore as her frustration rose and she found herself reaching for her lightsaber.

_There is no passion; there is only peace, _The part of her that was Jedi whispered quietly in the back of her mind.

_You have to be kidding me, _she answered it. _I'm stuck in the middle of a force forsaken fantasy world, some creature out of a nightmare has just erased my road home, and you want to spout Jedi platitudes at me! _Despite her inner monologue her hand fell away from her saber and she stood with her head bowed in defeat as the creature passed by her erasing the road she had counted on.

"What do I do now," she asked in despair of the world at large.

"Need help?" asked the familiar voice of the Cheshire Cat.

"Oh Force, yes!" Solari declared with undisguised relief. "Where are you?"

"Right in front of you," came the disembodied answer.

"Where I can see you, please," She demanded. The Cat's laughter rang through the forest.

"I like you," he said as he materialized in front of her, his clothes materializing a nano second afterwards, giving Solari a teasing glimpse of skin without actually letting her see anything. "Thwarted at every turn and still you keep going."

"Yeah, I'm stubborn like that. Can you help me?" After a moments thought she added, "Please."

"Of course I can," The cat told her smugly. "But it comes with a price."

"What do you want?" She asked though she had a sneaking suspicion.

"A kiss," he told her promptly, "Not on the cheek."

"Fine," She told him quickly. "Anything to get out of here."

Grinning the Cat hopped backwards and hammered his fist against a tree trunk, the front of the bark slid away to reveal a door into a hedge maze. "Go through the maze to the castle and confront the Red Queen. It is she who holds the key to get you home."

"Thank you," Solari told him with heartfelt warmth and stepped forward to the door, only to find she had walked straight into his chest. _Hmmm...he even smells delicious_. _No, wait...bad Solari, behave!_

She looked up into his face and saw that he was grinning at infuriatingly as if he could read her thoughts. "What about my reward."

"I am so sorry," Solari told him with a smile in her voice. She couldn't remember when she had had such fun bantering with someone. Even Atton, who the Cat resembled, seemed, to hold away from her when they talked. "How could I have forgotten?"

Holding his eyes with her own, she took his right hand in hers and lifted it to her lips, placing a gentle kiss on his palm. "Satisfied?"

The cat stared at her a moment, then threw his head back and laughed. "I like you, Solari. I look forward to seeing you again."

"I'm not coming back," She told him with genuine regret in her voice.

"You won't have too," he told her with another grin and it seemed to Solari that this was the first one she had seen reach his eyes. Abruptly he was gone and her way through the tree door was clear.

_Almost home, _she told herself as she squared her shoulders and stepped into the hedge maze. _Just a little further and I'll be home. _It wasn't until after the door had closed behind her that she realized she had never told him her name.

* * *

Solari's had four thoughts immediately upon finding herself in the hedge maze. Her first thought was that the hedge maze looked very big; her second thought was that it was very green; her third thought was that it would be very easy to get lost in such a big, green hedge maze and her fourth thought was that she had a lightsaber. Twenty two ruined hedge walls later she found herself in an enormous rose garden. In front of her was a guard with a bucket of red paint. 

"What are you doing?" She asked him curiously as she noted the line of horns around his head, _this must be Boa-Dur's look alike._

"Well you see," the guard said in low easy tones that indeed confirmed to her that this was Boa-Dur. No one else had that voice. "I'm paint..."

The guard trailed off staring at Solari, or more accurately, staring at the hedge rows just behind her, Solari turned.

"Sorry about that," she told him with all sincerity. "I can fix it...probably."

Without another word the guard set down the paint brush and the can of paint and ran past her as if his life depended on it.

"Well that was rude," she said to herself. "I did offer to fix it."

The sound of trumpets suddenly filled the air and the ground tremble with the footfalls of a thousand soldiers that emerged from another part of the hedge and formed a two lines facing each other, as rigid as durasteel rods. A loud strident voice hollered, "Make way for the Queen!"

Solari looked at the abandoned bucket of paint, then back at the hedge then quickly hid her lightsaber in her left boot just as four figures approached down the line of soldiers. The first figure was a round ball that Solari would have known anywhere even though the trumpet affixed to it was new, the second was obviously Mandalore. _I should have known nothing would be able to change that old bastard, not even a twisted fantasy version of him. _Indeed something about the Mandalore was immutable, no matter where he was.

The guard that looked like GOTO and the guard that looked like Mandalore reached the end of the line and stood directly in front of her, making it obvious that any attempt at fleeing now would not be kindly received. She somehow doubted the lack of stun sticks would make them any less effective.

Behind them down the aisle came a blond man dressed in red finery and wearing a golden circlet. As he got closer Solari realized that the Red King bore a striking resemblance to Mical, at his side walked the Red Queen, her white hair pulled back into a tight bun on her top of her head in the middle of a beautifully ornate crown that put the one the king was wearing to shame. Like the King she was dressed all in red and carried a scepter but the dress, like the person ho wore it, was familiar. Solari had last seen it in white in the hidden academy on Telos.

_I am so dead, _Solari told herself as Mical and Atris, aka, the Red King and the Red Queen, approached. _Dead right where I stand. _

"All hail the King and Queen," the Mandalore guard shouted.

"Hail!" yelled everyone else as Solari tried to imitate the Cheshire Cat and make herself invisible.

The king and queen surveyed the garden, their eyes passing over the roses, the lilies, the hedge...Solari knew the exact moment when the Red Queen noticed the damage in the hedges. So did everyone else.

"WHO DARED TO DESECRATE MY MAZE?" She screamed mightily and Solari caught the Red King wincing as he hurriedly clapped his hands over his ears. _Good old Atris. _ _It's nice to know one person here hasn't changed much. _

"Heads will roll for this!" The queen yelled again her eyes scanning the mass of frightened subjects until they at last fell on Solari. "You!" she declared pointing at the offending Jedi.

_Well I've had a good run, _Solari told herself pragmatically. "Your Highness, I apologize for your hedges and I wish to make amends..."

"Off with her head!" The queen screamed, flecks of foam falling from her lips.

"But not like that," Solari objected just before finding herself under a pile of enthusiastic guards eager not to disappoint their queen.

Frantically Solari considered her options. The top layer of guards had removed themselves from the pile leaving only another nine hundred and fifty still on top of her. Experimentally she wriggled her arms and found she was able to get them next to her belt.

"My queen," said the calm, soothing voice of the king/Mical. "Are you not being too hasty? She said she could repair the damage to the hedges..."

"She should not have destroyed them in the first place!" The Queen countered. "Off with her head!"

_I have to remember to buy Mical something nice after this, _Solari told herself as she worked her hands, both of which now held pieces of mushroom. _And also to give Atris a swift kick in the ass._

She felt the guards jostling her as the pile broke up preparing to grab her and cart her off to remove her head. As one guard shifted she felt her arms gain just enough freedom to pop both pieces of mushroom into her mouth, ignoring the clamoring voice inside that told her she was doing something stupid.

She shot up like a blaster bolt, knocking the guards off of her and, occasionally, deep into the recesses of the hedge maze as she grew and didn't stop until her head was up in a low flying cloud.

"You," she said pointing at the Red Queen. "I want the key to get out of here, now."

"I –I –I..." said the flustered queen. "O –Off with her head?"

Solari let out a deep breath, consequently knocking over the vast majority of the royal guard, and tried again, "How do I leave this place?"

The queen opened her mouth to speak again just as Solari felt herself drop ten feet, _Oh. That's why I shouldn't have eaten both at once. Silly me._

"GUARDS!" The queen screamed, her shocked expression now turning to one of triumph. "Seize her!"

A swift kick from Solari knocked over the first wave of guards as she looked frantically about for a way out and, by happy accident, saw a very familiar door on the opposite side of the maze.

_Right, here I go. _Solari jumped over the guards and landed on the other side, coming down slightly awkwardly as she shrunk another ten feet on landing. The sounds of soldiers behind her were faint and she guessed that she had bought herself some time.

Taking another step over the hedge wall brought her half way to the door before she felt herself loose another twenty feet and a quick hop over the next two rows cost her another five. Calling on a burst of Force speed she tore off through the hedge maze, cutting a wide swath through the plants with her lightsaber until she found herself in front of the same door she came in through, the sounds of armored people rapidly gaining on her.

"Yeow!" Cried out the familiar voice of Sion/the doorknob. "Haven't you learned any manners yet."

"Open up," she urged desperately, "I need to get through."

"What's the magic words," he sneered wickedly. A shaft of emerald light appeared between them as Solari ignited her saber.

"I can burn you," she told him reasonably.

"Close enough," said the suddenly helpful doorknob as the wooden paneling obligingly swung open. Solari got on hands and knees and crawled through, gasping painfully as the door frame seemed to suddenly seemed to shrink around her body.

_I should have know better than to trust a sith door, _was her last coherent thought before the air was squeezed out of her and she lost consciousness.

* * *

"Sola," a pleading voice called out to her through the darkness. "Come on Sola wake up. You can't fight your way through half the galaxy and escape a sith lord just to fall victim to a rock. It's not right." 

A groan escaped her and she suddenly felt strong hands supporting her back and neck, lifting her upper body off the cool stone she had been lying on.

"Where am I?" She asked muggily still only half conscious.

"You must have been hit harder than I thought," the voice and possible owner of the supporting hands told her. "We're on Korriban, remember?"

"Korriban...?" Solari murmured just as memory came flooding back. Sion, Visas, funky cave that Kreia wanted her to explore all by her lonesome, _naked Atton_... She opened her eyes and shot up quickly.

"Owwww," She moaned grasping her head as stars exploded in front of her eyes.

"Yeah, you don't want to make any sudden movements," Atton told her helpfully. "You took a nasty hit to the head."

"Thank you soooo much for that warning," She said infusing her voice with the appropriate amount of pain filled venom. Atton held up his hands in a gesture of helpful submission.

"Just trying to help," he told her and she thought she detected a shadow of genuine concern in his eyes but it was gone beneath the habitual cynicism he wore before she could be sure.

"What hit me?"

"A rock." he said scooping up the offending projectile and tossing it up and down in the palm of his hand.

"A rock?" She asked incredulous.

"Yeah, turns out the tunnel's a little unstable." he gave the rock one last toss before throwing it over his shoulder and into the oppressive air of the tomb. "Nice of our resident scow to warn you of that."

Solari opened her mouth to defend Kreia, then shut it. _Atton's right_, s_he should have warned me. _"Where's Visas?" She asked instead bracing herself against the cave wall outside of the tomb for support as her legs threatened to collapse again.

"She went back for help," Atton told her as he moved beside her and slid an arm around her waist. "Here, lean on me," he offered. "You look like you're about to fall over."

Lacking the immediate strength to argue, Solari let him pull her tightly against his side as she used him for support. The smell of him filled her nostrils and she was a little surprised to find it was the same as she remembered from the dream where he was a cat. _Why would I remember that in a dream? _She asked herself and the answer that came back to her from somewhere deep inside shocked her to her core. She pushed it away to deal with later.

"Credit for your thoughts?" Atton asked her quietly, a note of concern in his voice that she had never detected before. _Maybe because you weren't listening. _Her inner self suggested.

"I was just remembering this really strange dream I had while I was unconscious." She told him.

Atton smiled, a crooked slightly sardonic twitch of his lips. "Yeah it sounded like a doozy."

"What do you mean?" She asked him confused. "How do you know what I was dreaming."

"You talk in your sleep," he told her chuckling slightly as his hand gently stroked her side.

"What did I say?" She asked snuggling deeper against him. Her aching head seemed to be rapidly fading under his care.

"What's it worth to you to know?" He asked and she looked up at him sharply to see him grinning down at her, a spark of mischief in his eyes that she knew she had never seen before and suddenly she remembered her last words with the cat in her dream.

_I look forward to seeing you again."_

"_I'm not coming back," She told him with genuine regret in her voice._

"_You won't have too,"_

A smile curled on her own lips as she stared back up at him and she saw confusion replace amusement.

"What's it worth to me, Atton?" She asked him sweetly, and grabbed his head between her two hands, pulling him his lips down to hers in a deep passionate kiss. The sound of voices came from across the bridge and Solari reluctantly let go of her cat before the others came into view.

"So what were you saying?" She asked him huskily.

"Have you gotten taller?" He asked dreamily. Solari tilted her head back and laughed.


End file.
